Why I Want a Wife

If you ever get the chance to read Judy Brady's article "Why I Want a Wife," do. Though it was written in 1971, the satire and criticism is still apt today. My students loved it, and I got a chance to positively describe the feminist movement to them. It is a little disturbing that what they know about feminism can be summed up in a couple of man-hating jokes. Many were surprised when I told them that men can be feminists, too.

Okay, so it wasn't as cool as when I showed them excerpts from the South Park movie on Thursday (tell your parents you were ANALYZING MODERN SATIRE, not watching South Park), but I think I've really got their attention now.

The next step: Get them to write their own satire. I'll let you know how it goes.


p.s. I started writing a long, bitter piece about teacher evaluation and then I decided that since this is a public domain, I'll save it for the school board meeting and stick to funny/heartwarming stuff as much as possible here.

p.p.s. Did I mention that I kinda want a wife? One that is really good at decluttering a 600 square foot apartment and can grade papers.

The Next American Idol?

The lessons in satire continue. Today I gave the students a copy of "I Wanna Be a Popstar" a parody of the Nickelback song "I Wanna Be a Rockstar." Eighth hour, of course, heard that I sang a part of it to my fourth hour class and insisted that I do the same for them. So, in my raspiest, rock-stariest voice, I sang the first verse and the chorus.

Corrina, unbeknownst to me, of course, was video-taping me on her cell phone as I crooned away.

She said that I'd be up on her MySpace page by this afternoon. I was trapped. There was nothing I could do.

Sometimes I feel like I am satirizing myself. Or adulthood. Or that this teaching thing is all one big example of verbal irony.

I'm off to the school board meeting tonight. No more singing in public for now.

A Modest Proposal

Can I tell you how fun it is to teach satire?!? Of course, no matter how many times I told the kids, "If you're getting offended by it, you're not getting the point," I still had students glare at me like I was a total sicko for laughing at Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal."

Then one student made a great point, "When does satire cross a line? When does it become mean for mean's sake instead of a joke to prove a point?" And that's a hard one to answer but a HUGE issue, especially with satire today. Could Don Imus claim that his comments about the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team were satire? How do we know a writer's true intentions? What if the creators of South Park really were racist people trying to promote their immoral ideas? My kids are so smart.

But we laughed a lot about boiling and roasting one-year-old babies ('cause you can nurse them for free for a year and get them bigger and plumper) and seasoning them with a little salt and pepper. And the next job: figure out how to effectively create satire in a technological/digital age.

Advice to teachers: get to know your kids really well, teach them what satire is, and then read "A Modest Proposal." You won't regret it.

Things I Did Today That I Regret a Little Bit

So, it's Thursday, which means I get tired, cranky, loopy, and all kinds of crazy because I teach these ridiculous 96 minute blocks four times. Today I did the following:

1. Called students witches. Made up lies about how they were pinching people and whispered Devil messages in my ear to demonstrate the hysteria of the Salem Witch Hunts.

2. Held up my hand with the fingers together and told a girl to "read between the lines." She had asked what it meant to make an inference.

3. When a group asked that their team name in the vocabulary game be "Bad Asses" I told them not to use inappropriate language and that I was making the editorial decision to change it to "Bad Butts". I then proceeded to draw a butt on the board next to their name. And then I made it smoke a cigarette so it would be "bad".

4. Told a girl she was too smart to read Nicholas Sparks books. When she protested because her mom reads them I just rolled my eyes.

5. When a student told me she was hot and asked if she could open the window I told her to take her menopause hot flashes elsewhere. It was a joke. I opened the window for her.

6. I gave Carlos the point in the vocabulary game even though it was really a tie. Someone said that I was playing favorites. I responded that of course I play favorites and Carlos is my favorite. They yelled "Not Fair!" to which I replied, "Silly kids, of course it's fair. Your parents have favorites, so why shouldn't I be allowed to." I asked the kids to raise their hands if they were their parents' favorite. Then I asked them to raise their hands if one of their siblings was thier parents' favorite. Then I asked the only children to raise their hands and said, "And you're not the favorite, are you? Sad."

I think it's time to go home and prepare my apologies for tomorrow.